One of my deepest held beliefs is that Kris Jenner is the Devil. I’m talking the actual Satan, and that belief was only strengthened by a recent admission that she used to make Kourtney Kardashian drive the kids to school and run errands when she was only 14 thanks to a “made-up government license.” Jenner claims that things were a “little bit different” in the late ’90s, and nope. No, they were not. Had she said the ’70s? Sure. ’80s? Maybe, but I was a teen in the ’90s, and I assure you that even in my podunk town there were not random teenagers tooling around with fake IDs. That was not a thing, and my generation spent an insane amount of time unsupervised, so we could’ve easily made it one if the TV wasn’t so alluring. (Page Six)
Kelly Rowland returns to the Palais after the incident with an aggressive security guard on the notoriously elitist Cannes red carpet. (Lainey Gossip)
Kelly Osbourne really hates Giuliana Rancic. (Celebitchy)
A Fox News reporter tried to gently explain that, no, Joe Biden didn’t tell the FBI to assassinate Trump. (Wonkette)
From Dustin: Google’s AI is telling people to add Elmer’s glue to their pizza. (404 Media)
Live’s Throwing Copper, an absolute banger of an album and apparently a harbinger of the post-grunge age, is 30 years old? God. Dammit. True story: Heading into ninth grade, I was randomly interviewed by the local paper during summer marching band camp — Oh yeah, baby. — and the only quote that made it into the sidebar with my four-eyed mug was that I loved Live because they were a PA band. So to answer your questions, yes, I was always this cool. A total beast. (Consequence)
Ryan Gosling’s best co-stars are his jackets. (Vulture)
The DOJ is trying to break up Live Nation and Ticketmaster. (Link)
The Acolyte cast is ready to share their new take on Star Wars. (Gizmodo)
The Biden campaign is smartly meeting with Nikki Haley supporters after she did the inevitable and backed Trump. (Daily Beast)
Josh Brolin and Peter Dinklage in a buddy comedy? Hell yes. (THR)
Zinka was sure that Jennifer Saint’s Ariadne would break her streak of books she didn’t like, but alas, it was a disappointment. “At every point of potential, where she begins to take an interesting direction with the smaller details of the story, things end up feeling rushed or incomplete in their exploration.” Which books have disappointed you this year? (Cannonball Read 16)
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